Hey there! Wow – when typing that ridiculously long title, I realized it has been quite a while… whew…. How are you?? I mean, how are you really doing – have you stopped to assess that or are you running on adrenaline??

The reality is, I just haven’t felt like writing… I have small bursts of energy and small moments of a clear mind and I want to write… but typically I choose to get something else done on the long list of tasks that tend to get backed up. By the time I am finished, I’m foggy brained and exhausted again…

At least that is what I tell myself…

But I think I realized today – that while yes, physically I am greatly struggling; I am/was still wrestling to which I feel like I finally had a breakthrough this morning. I unleashed all my feelings on God. What was said is between Him and me, but the outcome is something I need to share.

The outcome is freedom. I took my deep thoughts and feelings to God and in exchange He gave me a blessing that I was grasping onto His ankles for. He gave me His presence, His assurance, His hope and love.

I was avoiding God in ways, not completely, but definitely holding back; all the while He was beckoning me to open up. Like a parent and their teenager. She is withholding. You see it and your heart aches for her, knowing if she would just open up to you, she wouldn’t feel so alone.

I was the teenager.

It felt so good to open up, truly spill out my heart in full freedom. Sobbing on His metaphoric chest. Not holding anything back.

That’s when it happened – “…And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.” His peace. His freedom. His embrace and reassurance that I’m not alone. He is holding me. His nearness was fully felt.

The verses say:

“…The Lord is near. Don’t worry about anything, but in everything, through prayer and petition with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.” – Philippians 4:4b – 7

I believe the same for you. Don’t resist Him, take it ALL to Him. Give Him all the thoughts in your heart, even the ones you’re afraid to say out loud, and let Him show you the road to freedom in your life. Let Him reveal the lies you are believing. His presence truly is the best thing I have ever felt in my entire life. There is a ton of wrestling I do on a regular basis. Times I share with Him unreluctantly and times I am that teenager struggling to open up. But every time, literally EVERY time, I bare it all is when I experience the most freedom and love I have ever felt.

So, I pray you bare it all to Him and experience how good He is.

As for my cancer… it’s still there – but we’re in a good place with it as far as the tumors go. I am in partial remission – meaning most of my tumors have shrunk and are either continuing to shrink or are remaining stable. Thank you, Lord. I have (hopefully) 12 more treatments to go. The pain is extreme, but managed well with steroids at the moment to where I feel little of it. However, the treatment seems to be bypassing the steroid’s capabilities and I may need to try a different medication so I am able to finish the # of treatments I need to get through (24 total). That – pain med switch – will be known in the next few weeks I think… My oncologist also told me full remission may not happen – to which leaves the question, “ok, so when I hit the 2 years of treatment and I still have tumors, then what?” But I’ll start worrying about that when we get a little closer to the finish line because that is the worry of tomorrow, not today.

Treatment #13 is this coming Tuesday, 5/2/23.

I don’t know who needs to hear this – but I love what our Pastors have been stressing:

1. For believer’s – those who profess Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior and King over their lives – this is the closest to Hell we will ever be.
2. The best is truly yet to come!

Believe that believer… whatever trial you are facing or will be facing, don’t be a teenager – take it to the Father who loves you so deeply beyond what you can comprehend. Your circumstances may not change, but you – your heart, your mind – most certainly will.

You are loved and you are chosen my sweet friend. ❤