Wow, where to start. Sleep would be nice, but that is non-existent currently. So let’s start with what’s on my heart right now. I failed tonight. I had a #parentingblooper moment. The season of life we are in has been tough, to put it mildly. Not only is it winter, rainy and dreary outside, but there are many storms inside our home, too. And I am grumpy. Unmotivated. I am exhausted physically and emotionally. I am impatient. Critical. I am not giving the benefit of the doubt and jumping to assumptions. You know what they say, assuming makes an a.. 😳 Did you finish the saying? I’m telling! 😉 😀

Having kids really exposes the condition of your heart and challenges your character. I can see why the Bible calls them a reward/gift – “Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them!” – Psalm 127:3-5a. If you receive parenting as a gift, it will grow you, humble you, challenge you, and change you.

I mentioned that I failed tonight. I snapped (verbally and attitude) at my oldest son. In fact, I have been snapping at him quite a bit lately. You see, the older he gets the more evident his sin nature is – he is rebellious, makes poor choices, disobeys, is mean to his siblings, etc… But instead of responding in grace, mercy, teaching moments, and kind words. Lately, I have been snapping at him with my words and attitude. I feel like he should know better! How many times have I told him not to be mean to his sister? Or, don’t do this… don’t do that… I am expecting of him what I cannot even do myself. Perfection. 100% Obedience. The realization that what he’s going to say will be hurtful and to not say it. Humility. Forgiveness. Grace. Mercy.

How often do I need to ask for God’s forgiveness and mercy? How often do I need God’s grace. How often do I need to apologize and ask for forgiveness from those I love because I put my foot in my mouth. I even remove said foot and then insert the other one! This happens more times than I would like to admit. So why do I struggle so badly with extending grace and mercy to my husband, children, friends, and even people I don’t know? I think the root is pride. It’s not recognizing, in the moment, that I am just as much of a sinner as they are. Do my children need to be disciplined? Absolutely. The Bible says, “Discipline your son, and he will give you rest; he will give delight to your heart” – Proverbs 29:17 and “Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.” – Proverbs 13:24. However, there are standards to discipline… The Bible says, “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline of the Lord.” – Ephesians 6:4. The Lord disciplines those he loves out of love. Hebrews 12:5-8 As such, we are to discipline our children whom we love out of love as well. And by the Lord’s standards.

So, snapping at my son… frustration with him tonight… it came from a place of pride and inconvenience. I thought I had the right to be angry and upset. I thought I had the right to snap at him because I have told him too many times for me to count not to do such and such….My heart sank when he left tonight with Kevin to go to an event. I realized I had torn my son down with my words and attitude. I didn’t discipline him out of love, I disciplined him out of frustration and my own inconvenience.

So, what am I going to do about it? Continue feeling guilty all night? Let it defeat me? Sulk? Make it worse?

I’m glad you asked! I am going to do a few things actually:

1. Confess my sin to God and ask Him to forgive me. I am going to pray for a heart change. For my heart to be softened so that I can discipline my children out of love and, ultimately, for their good, not mine. I will pray for strength to be humble, patient, a good teacher, and to recognize when discipline is needed and when mercy and grace are needed.
2. Confess my sin to my son and ask for his forgiveness. I want to communicate that I need to work in this area and also ask him to work on the area I saw in him tonight. And then pray with my son for God to give us strength and wisdom in how to change those areas in our lives that are causing us to sin.
3. Let it go – but not forget. I made a mistake. I won’t let the devil hang it over my head to torment me. But I won’t forget. The look in my son’s eyes when my attitude and snappy words hurt him left an impression. I don’t want to see that happen again. I know I will sin again, and need his forgiveness, but I also know God is in the business of changing hearts. I know He will grow me in this area. And I am beyond thankful for that grace.
4. Trust God loves my son more than I do. And when I make mistakes, God’s grace is sufficient. “But he said to me, ‘For my grace is sufficient for you. My power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” 2 Corinthians 12:9

How about you? Have you failed today? Did you word vomit on someone? Or give someone the finger while driving? Or roll your eyes? Or completely slam dunk the customer service guy that didn’t do anything to help your scenario?

Will you fall to your knees with me and ask for God to forgive you and change your heart? ❤