Where have I been?

Honestly? Trapped.

Ironically, I am not speaking of the current quarantine situation we’re in, although that feels like being trapped, too. But rather, trapped in a state of mind. I allowed myself to get trapped in fear.

Fear of speaking my opinion, fear of speaking my thoughts and concerns, fear of speaking things I know to be truth, things I am skeptical of, questions I have, inconsistencies with information I see, fear of being ridiculed, written off and/or harmed for being a critical thinker who is concerned with information we are being fed and told/expected not to question, and so much more.

The climate of our culture is not one where conversation can be had, not easily anyway. We struggle with the willingness to meet at the table, disagree, and work through our thoughts and disagreements with respect for the other person. We feed on a lie that if the other person doesn’t agree with us then somehow we are devalued, its a character attack. We feed on the lie that people with whom we disagree we can’t be friends with. We feed on the lie that our feelings should dictate how we behave. We are feeding on a buffet of lies and all it’s doing is causing an obesity of hatred, division, and warring with those whom we shouldn’t be warring against.

The father of lies is doing a good job at causing confusion and putting a bullseye on the wrong target. He is getting us to war with each other so we forget the war is actually with him. I read in my devotional this morning that, “for a lie to work, it has to be believed.” It’s easier to believe a lie when we are filtering that lie through our emotions instead of the filter of truth. “Follow your heart” is one of the quickest ways to get entrapped by lies.

Friend, your emotions cannot be what leads you. Your emotions are a tool, to alert you, but they can not be your sole guiding source, the only tool you use. There is truth and logic you need to put your feelings up against. There are facts and data you need to process and check your feelings against to distinguish if they are leading you to believe a lie or potentially multiple lies. Humility in knowing we don’t have it all figured out, we don’t have all the answers, we don’t see the entire picture — therefore it is quite plausible we have it/some of the pieces wrong — is a must! We are seeing the lack of this in our cities, in our parks, in our nation. For example, I read about a couple that was eating at a picnic table in the dog park and they had taken their masks off to do so ( 💡 uh, kinda hard to eat with a mask on). A woman became irate with them because they had the “audacity” to have their masks off. This woman, in all her emotions, decided it would be a grand idea to engage the couple, began to verbally insult them, flip them the bird, and then ended up macing (maybe pepper spray?) the couple. I think this is a prime example of how this woman’s feelings led her astray. Her fear and anger that she has been nurturing and feeding (hitting up that buffet) led her to completely disregard and attack human lives. Think if this woman had a gun instead of mace… do you really think it’s possible that the amount of hateful emotions she had in the moment wouldn’t have caused a trigger to be pulled? This my friends is why we HAVE to be diligent and have multiple checkpoints for our emotions. (It takes work. If we don’t maintain our checkpoints, they won’t work properly….)

My checkpoints have been malfunctioning and I have been living in fear and anxiety for the past several weeks. I have lost focus of The Source of Truth. While I don’t think my thoughts are on the wrong path regarding a lot of the information being fed to me, I do know that I have let the information cause fear and anxiety instead of bringing me to my knees in prayer. I have gotten angry over the obvious lies I see instead of it bringing me to my knees asking God to expose the Truth. I have allowed the information I see to influence me to “pick sides” instead of bring me to my knees in prayer for the God of peace and unity to break through the divide and unite us. I have been angry instead of having a broken heart over the tragic divide, chaos, and just straight lunacy our country is entrapped to. I have felt helpless because I didn’t know how to fix it and I had the audacity, in moments, to think I could. 🙄 Isn’t that all of us though? I present my case by asking you to look at the keyboard battles happening on Facebook (FB). We think waging keyboard war will fix the problem. It will change the other person’s heart, bring them to the side of truth. But does it? We actually have the audacity to think we fully see the problem and we are the answer for that problem. (Like we’re Captain America or something?)

Don’t get it twisted, I do think truth needs to be proclaimed. However, I also know God calls us to be gentle and speak truth in love. You can’t solve on FB what needs to be solved around your dining table. And I have a couple of suggestions for this. (By no means is this list exhaustive.)

• One, solution starts in your family and the conversations and teaching of your children.
• Two, solution starts with investing and inviting those with whom you may disagree to your dining table (or a restaurant if you struggle to control your emotions) to have conversations.
  • Our conversations need to begin with:
    • Listening instead of speaking.
      • There are many times I need to process though my emotions. Most of the time I talk through them with my husband. There are so many times he can validate my concerns and there are so many times he gently corrects me and provides a different point of view. When I feel heard and cared for, it’s easier to approach difficult conversation.
    • We need to see ourselves rightly.
      • i.e. humility. (I can’t remember who stated this quote, but it was said, “Humility is not seeing yourself as less than; it is seeing yourself rightly.”)
    • We need to remember that we cannot change hearts.
      • That’s God’s job. We can influence and speak the truth (in LOVE), but we do not possess the power to change hearts. We often get it twisted thinking we have power over people that we actually don’t possess. This is where, if we don’t keep ourselves in check, when that power we think we have is challenged, we begin to war with and try to manipulate and control another person(s). Rules/laws are put in place to make people comply with your demands and if compliance is bucked against, if a person won’t succumb to your control, here is where the aforementioned macing scenario at the park can easily enter the scene.
    • Most importantly, we need to get our heart right.
      • We need Jesus to soften and guide our heart, mind, and actions so that we can rightly approach the hurting world around us.

My friend, we, all of us, can easily be the one to spray the mace. If we aren’t subjecting our emotions to checkpoints, we can get fearful and angry enough to violate, attack, and harm someone else. This is why the answer, the only answer, is the One who doesn’t react, doesn’t get influenced, isn’t corrupt. He is the only rightful judge because even as He was being wrongfully beaten, spit on, stripped naked, and hung, He asked the Father to forgive. To put the penalty on His marred body. Oh my friends, only He is worthy.

I had a lot to say, thanks for sticking around. I’d love to know your thoughts and how you are doing. Will you also pray with me?

Jesus, forgive us. Forgive how easily we get twisted in thinking we can replace You. Forgive how easily we believe we have a better way than You do. Forgive us for loving our earthly comforts and losing our kingdom focus. Oh, Jesus. We are the ones spitting on You. Forgive us. Change us. May Your love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faith, gentleness, and self-control overflow from those who claim You as their Lord. Cleanse us, revive Your people. Renew our minds. Help us to invest in the lives You died to save. Jesus, help us to be humble — not see ourselves as less than, but to see ourselves rightly. Jesus, please, may Your Holy Spirit move in our country. Oh Jesus, change hearts, unite us. Jesus, You are the only way to reconciliation. You are the only way for our hearts and our land to be healed. Jesus, soften our hearts, open our eyes. May we diligently come to You and Your Truth to check our emotions, thoughts, beliefs, and approach. Please give us boldness to be gentle and speak the truth in love. Please give us boldness to speak the Gospel — Your Death: payment for our sin, Your resurrection: signifying God’s vindication of His Son, His message, and His work, allowing us to have the assurance of reconciliation with God. Being cleansed of our sin, being given a new heart. We can’t earn it, but You hand it to us as a gift. Oh, Jesus, please open our minds to comprehend what is the length and width, height and depth of God’s love.

You are loved and you are chosen my friend. ❤ In the words of Pastor John Smart – “Get to Jesus!”