My husband and I have struggles… I’m the only one right??!! 😂 But there are times – many times to be completely transparent – that I don’t want to forgive him and I don’t want to be the bigger person and/or admit that I’m just as much at fault, or completely at fault, and seek his forgiveness. I’d rather throw myself on the ground and throw a really ugly temper tantrum.

Forgiveness is something that is a struggle of mine. I feel God is softening my heart on this topic, but I’m still very much a work in progress. It frustrates me when people who are supposed to care for me hurt me. It frustrates me when I hurt people I care for. I feel like God gave me a huge “ah-ha” moment this morning…

I can’t forgive someone if I don’t believe I am forgiven.

Whoa! Is your mind blown like mine was with that statement? No? Read it again! Go ahead, I’ll wait……….

I struggle with the discipline of reading the Bible daily. My perspective has been that I needed to read the Bible to please God and earn His favor. And I think deep down, I knew I would falter, constantly, and so why even try. But, I believe He revealed to me this morning that reading the Bible isn’t to please Him, it’s to heal me. Let me say that again, you ready?

Reading the Bible isn’t to please Him, it’s to HEAL ME.

Now, does reading the Bible please Him, yes. But I believe it’s because He knows great healing (and so much more) is in store for us the more we read His written words, then He can use us to have a greater impact in our hurting community. I think of being on an airplane, you know when they are going over the safety procedures? They tell you to put on your oxygen mask first, then put the mask on those around you. I always thought this was so selfish and heck no! I would save my kids first! But how can I save my children if I pass out – am I really that prideful to think I can beat science – there’s clearly research behind these instructions. Or lets try another analogy, how do I help lift someone who is drowning out of the water if I am in the water drowning myself?

Again, what I’m trying to say is – I can’t forgive someone if I don’t believe I am forgiven. How do you extend something to someone else that you don’t believe yourself? That’s why reading the Word of God is so important – it offers forgiveness, healing, love, belonging, it challenges you to grow and love others! God wants to forgive you, heal you, and grow you so you can forgive, love, and comfort the people in your life and in your community.

But what about those people who hurt you over and over again – There are definitely toxic and harmful relationships that we need to remove ourselves from and/or seek help – if you are in one of these relationships I encourage you to seek help from your Pastor, a crisis center, a counselor, and/or if you can’t do it yourself tell a friend you trust and allow them to seek help for you. Please don’t remain silent! – It can be exhausting facing the same problem(s) over and over again with your spouse, your children, your family members, and/or your friends. It’s like a bad rerun on tv but you can’t change the channel because you lost the remote…. So what do you do? How do you face this cyclic problem that doesn’t seem to have an end in sight? How do we begin a #forgivenessmovement?

Rely on God… such simple words, but such a hard thing to actually do…

When you look to God for justice, His justice – untainted, no malice, no corruption, full perspective, and out of love, good, and purity – it enables you to persevere because God is going to work on the justice part. For me, it’s actually really freeing to think I don’t have to fix someone’s heart. That’s a HUGE job! Can I be an influence? Sure! Does how I behave and respond to people matter? You bet! But it is God’s job to work in/on their heart. It is my job to point to God and I believe choosing to pursue love, the other person’s good, and pursuing forgiveness are some of the most influential things I can do to point a person to God. Do your part. Suggest and encourage change, pray for the other person(s) and yourself, and then exercise patience and trust. Wait on the Lord. He is working.

I also feel humility and examining yourself is a constant necessity. It’s too easy to point our finger at our spouse, our friend, our children, our family, our co-workers, our pets (My cat vomits all the time and I am so tired of cleaning up the cat puke! It makes me angry sometimes and affects my mood – full transparency here 🙂 ), etc as the issue. It’s too easy to think we’re faultless in the squabble. Is it possible where the injustice is one sided? We certainly know it is – there is evil in this world. We are broken people, all of us, and we each bring our brokenness into our relationship(s) and cause conflict.  

So what is my part in relationship with others?

Reading the Bible, choosing love, forgiveness, constant prayer, influence, suggestion, encouragement, and to do my best to live my life in a way that will attract people to Jesus and treat others the way He did. Then leave the heart change – which will ultimately lead to behavior change – to God.

Will you join me in this #forgivenessmovement? Will you choose to let God change your heart and pray for God to work in the hearts of others?